Tips to Help You Have The Hottest Phone Sex of Your Life

It’s a real thing

Hot phone sex isn’t an oxymoron — it’s true!

Phone sex taps into what sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story, founder of the pleasure product marketplace Bloomi, calls the most underutilized way to turn someone on: the ears.

“The sound of someone’s voice and moans can be seriously arousing,” she explains.

Plus, while your partner’s hand/tongue/bits may not be Available For Use, your own hands and pleasure products are right there if you want them!

Phone sex operator Jessie Sage, co-host of Peepshow Podcast, adds that it can be a hot way to have sex with someone, like a Tinder match or former college classmate, without ruining the fantasy. “Sometimes certain people or situations are only hot in fantasy,” she says.

Now let’s get started.

Do a temperature check

“When you’re in a relaxed environment, put the idea out there and see how they respond to it,” says Story.

Some ways to bring it up in person:

  • “I know I’m not going to see you for a few days after this. I was thinking it might be fun to try phone sex before we see each other again.”
  • “My friend was just telling me she and her partner have phone sex. It’s not something I’ve had before but might be interested in trying if you are. Do you have thoughts about phone sex?”

If their answer is “maybe” and they seem nervous or hesitant, you might ask what it is about having phone sex that they’re unsure of.

If it’s the lack of visual, you might try a video call instead. If it’s being able to speak sexily, you might start by sexting.

If you aren’t physically with the other person, you might bring it up with:

  • “Is phone sex something you might be interested in testing out together?”
  • “Would you ever be interested in jerking off while I’m on the other line? I think listening to each other get off could be really hot.”

And if you’re asking a sexting mate or Tinder match you haven’t yet met? Read the room.

Is this a completely outlandish ask, or have your conversations already been explicitly sexual?

If you have a virtual fling, you might send a text that says:

  • “I’ve loved talking dirty with you over text. Hearing your voice say these things would be a huge turn on for me. Can I take you on a phone sex date?”
  • “Would you be into moving these dirty conversations from text to phone? I’d love to hear you moan.”
Ask consent before a specific phone sex session, too

Before you whisper to your partner, “I want to lick and suck you until you’re as dry as the Sahara Desert,” you need to make sure that they’re down to dirty talk right this very moment.

That’ll save you from the awkwardness of laying it all out there when your partner is otherwise preoccupied — like if they’re at work or with their parents.

Plus, there’s no rollover effect with consent. “You need to ask if your partner wants to have phone sex every single time,” says Story.

You don’t need to schedule it weeks in advance — though a weekly phone sex date isn’t bad idea for you LDR folks.

A “Hey! What are you up to tonight? Can I tempt you to a phone sex date?” or “I’ve been thinking about the way you sound when you come all morning. Do you have time for a dirty talk date sometime soon?” will ensure you’re both on the same page.

Touch base about language

Never is language quite so important than when you’re nose-deep in your partner’s fold and… you get the point.

Ask outright about body preference words

Fam, before you have any kind of sexy relations with someone — in person, video, text, or call — you should find out what nouns and adjectives they like for their bits and bobs.

“Find out what words make them feel sexy and feel good,” says Sage.

The easiest way to do that? Share what words you like. For example:

  • “I like when you call my pussy a pussy or vagina, but I have a negative association with c*nt. What words feel best to you?”
  • “I really like when you wax poetic about how strong and solid my back is when I give you head, but I don’t like the word ‘bulky.’ Are there any words you either really like or don’t like?”
Another option: Look to your partner for language cues

So if your partner gives you a non-answer to the above, there’s an alternative: Listen to how they reference their own bods.

Chances are at some point your partner is going to let you know they’re [verbing] their [noun].

Keep track of what those verbs and nouns are, and use them when you’re describing what you’re doing to their [noun].

Familiarize yourself with the lingo of lovemaking

Thanks to the abysmal sex education in the United States, most of our sexicon doesn’t go beyond “vagina,” “breasts,” “condom,” and “sex.”

“If you’re not used to talking about sex or your body in nonmedical ways, phone sex is going to be harder,” says Sage.

She recommends expanding your verbiage with the help of the below:

A sexting robot

Yep! This exists. Sex and relationship app Juicebox released a feature called Slutbox which allows you to sharpen your dirty talk skills — or just get some horny loving when you’re feeling lonely.

To get started, text “slutbot” to 415-650-0395. You’ll answer some Qs about your gender and sexual preferences and get rolling.

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