Tips Sexologists Share for Reigniting Better Midlife Sex

No question too awkward to answer

Whether you’ve lost that loving feeling, wish you and your partner had more (or less… or better) sex, or want to experiment (with positions, toys, or another gender), there’s no sexual question that’s too awkward or uncomfortable for sexologists to address and answer.

But not everyone is equally comfortable talking about intimate matters, especially when it involves tastes or preferences after being together for so long. Sometimes, what’s been working doesn’t work anymore! There’s no shame in expressing that.

To get help on how to communicate or liven up the relationship, we reached out to eight sexologists and asked them to share their best tips.

On experimenting with new things

Think about sex beyond the P-and-V

It’s not surprising that the clitoris and penis topped the list — but they’re not the only places that, when stimulated, can drive you crazy.

The data also suggests that men and women can get turned on from the intimate touch on any of these erogenous zones too, so experimenting with touch wouldn’t be a bad idea.

To make a game out of it, Liz Powell, PsyD, an LGBTQ-friendly sex educator, coach, and licensed psychologist suggests: “Take genitals out of the equation for a night, week, or month. How can you and your partner explore and experience sexual pleasure when what’s between the legs isn’t on the table? Find out!”

Turn off autopilot

When you’ve been with the same partner for a while, it’s easy to go into sexual- autopilot — which if you’ve been there, you know is about as unsexy as it sounds.

“If every sexual encounter you have with your partner involves the exact same two or three positions, you might be missing out on sex you didn’t know you could enjoy… and limiting how much pleasure you and your partner get to experience together,” says sex educator, Haylin Belay, program coordinator at Girls Inc. NYC.

“Some couples spend years having ‘okay’ sex only to discover that their partner secretly wanted all the same things they did, but didn’t feel comfortable talking about any of them,” she adds.

Talk about the sex after the sex

Subtly switching up your post-pomp ritual can help keep the two of you close, and in terms of PGA (post-game analysis), it can even help make your next romp even better, says clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs, EdD.

“Instead of rolling over to fall asleep after sex, next time have a chat about how your encounter went. Take this time to revel in your afterglow and discuss the things you liked and the things that you will skip (if any) for next time,” she says.

Of course, Stubbs says, it’s best to start with paying your partner-in-crime a compliment about the sex you just had — but being honest about what you didn’t totally love is important, too.

“I recommend five loving observations to every one request for change,” adds Sari Cooper, founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex in NYC.

Read more on: sex